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Finite.
Just like how happiness can be.
Perfectly spherical was how I would describe my existence up to before a year ago. Happily, just rolling along the path of perfection :) Not that I was perfect, don’t get me wrong, I’m saying that the path it was going along was perfect. No, don’t say that it was perfect only in retrospect, I would seriously take offense in that. Okay, admittedly there were a few blips in my life where the ball hit some uneven ground and veered off for a moment, but at the end of the day, it righted itself. I wanted for nothing.
And then, after a year ago, I just want nothing. Nothing at all.
The little marble is still rolling along the path, it may still be the same path, but it’s no longer on level ground, it may be going down some hill for all I know, considering the amount of effort I’m doing to keep it rolling. Maybe it’s just the momentum from before a year ago, just helping it get a little further along its way. I wonder how long it’ll last. No, I’m not being a drama queen. I just want to say it outloud, people get all uncomfortable and awkward when I’m not all smiling and loud. I never get a chance to voice things. I really don’t want people to be awkward.
The people around me, who care the most about me, they are the ones who consciously, or unconsciously, pressure me into feeling normal. Sometimes, I wish this www.cheecheongfun.com was still as anonymous as it was. I thought it’d make a difference, that if I was more open about things to the people around me, it might make for a healthier mind. Honestly, it’s just taken away from me the freedom to bitch and moan.
