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I am writing from my very cramped personal space on the plane. I can’t sleep. I didn’t bring any Stilknox with me this time. So I’m not blissfully asleep. Alright, who am I kidding.. I ran out! I ran OUT! It doesn’t matter if I sound like a depraved deprived drug addict. The positive thing about this is that I didn’t get any more! I think I should be pretty proud of that. I don’t know how I’m going to go cold turkey, but I’ll try. Maybe I’ll try exercising. Or drowsy antihistamines/cough syrup. Heh. Anyway, the point of this entry, I had one of the most interesting trips back I’ve ever had.
It started off very badly. I was struggling between a very strong sense of guilt and a need for some personal time. Guilt because I’m never around, and when I’m around, it’s only for short periods. There are so many things at home that are done wrong/could have been done better/are not done my way. It took me a while to realise that things couldn’t always be done my way. I’m sure it’s going to take a longer time for me to accept that. So in the mean time, there will be lots of nagging, frustration and crying. Being the only girl in my family now, I’m finding it VERY difficult to NOT nag, NOT to try and fix everything – I can’t help it! I know I can’t really fix everything.. but what a girl can do is hope for things to work out, or the alternative, nag until it gets done.
As I said, it started off badly. And then things became a little… less bad, more… interesting. I met some people. Within three minutes of meeting some of them, I was enthralled. But.. enough of the gushing. More of the why this trip was important. I’ve realised that when life gives you lemons, contrary to the old adage, you DON’T have to make lemonade… there are so many other things you can use a lemon for, so don’t restrict yourself to only making lemonade. And also, when bad things happen, it doesn’t mean you should totally remain bitter and hateful towards other people… and that of course, it affects you, but it shouldn’t change you for the worse. Does that make sense? What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to pull myself out of this rut. And guess what.. I don’t really need anyone’s help. Well not anyone’s ACTIVE help. Knowing that you guys are there is help enough. (awwww)
PS. Kristy : This is for you
